I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
