shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
