you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
