Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
