You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I want is dick and wine.
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