So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
