we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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