drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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