is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
