I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
