I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
