What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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