I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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