who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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