I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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