Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
