Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
