so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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