Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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