Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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