It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
