the day after is always just damage control
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
