i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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