I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
