just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
