i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is wine microwaveable?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
