3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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