i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
