I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
