So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
