last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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