PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
