i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We named our party play list daddy issues
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dick very happy bro
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
