Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
