Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
