I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
