dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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