Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
