I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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