found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
