I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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