My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
