meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
