i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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