Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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