Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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