He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
