whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
