How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As shirtless as possible
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
