News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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