so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
