She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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