I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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