We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you traded sex for a burrito?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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