The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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