Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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