Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bring me that man meat
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
