No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
