dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize