I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
