i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
