He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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