I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
