I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
