She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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