I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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