That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I touched a dick in church today
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
