My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
