I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
