I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
