I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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