oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
