i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
