why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
