just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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