I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
