I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
