I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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