Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
