i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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