my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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