What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
