My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize