i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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