having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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