it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
