You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
