New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
