He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
