sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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