Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
