If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
