this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
