I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
