It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
