And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
