I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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