you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
