And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
