Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
