I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
