she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
