and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
