Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize