I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
