Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
