Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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